Ooops

Is it me or does this path look slightly boggy?

Nearly missed a signpost there… possibly have been ignoring a few and singing ‘lalalalala’ with my eyes shut. I don’t think I’ve done what I did in the John O’Gaunt for a good three years or so and that takes me right back to Avondale.

Ok. I miss Japan, I really miss it, to the extent that I was talking about it to Mother-In-Law in the John O’Gaunt and realised I was going to start crying right there in the pub. This was not a scenario that pleased me so I fled, rather more obviously than I would have liked, to the Ladies. I was having quite a good cry until Mother-In-Law and Rabbit Girl walked in, to be honest, whilst what I probably needed right then was some time to sob I wasn’t comfortable pouring out my rather silly concerns (and one not so silly concern) to Rabbit Girl. What I really needed was a natter to Mother-In-Law but of course when we got back out to the pub not everyone had left. Thanks to the Jellicle Cat and FoxyJonno for staying… I should have just explained myself and got over it.

I shouldn’t have randomly started inviting lots of people to the picnic in the park, it was originally intended as a get together for a small group of friends and so there was a slightly strained atmosphere to parts of the gathering which I did nothing to really dissapate. I apparently have a reputation as a relatively decent hostess but I was tired and drunk from the night before and so tainted that one. I apologise to everyone who felt uncomfortable, on the other hand though, I really wasn’t the only one at the picnic and I have a right to be tired every so often.

I’m me and everyone else is everyone else. I have to trust what I get told and what I see and make my own judgements on that. I know that a lot of people disagree with me over various things and also that some people think I’m presenting myself according to what other people want to see. Maybe I do to an extent, but I don’t change that much from group to group, there are just an awful lot of facets of me. It used to be a motto of mine ‘Take only experience, leave only memories’, there are a lot of people about who remember that time rather well. I no longer live by that motto, I no longer find it so hard to discuss emotional things with people, yeah ok I’m not great at it but I’m getting better. I will continue to get better. But, I do not want my actions to hurt people and I am not about to start ignoring situations where I do cause hurt.

Yeah, Mishes do want everybody to be happy but thats a secondary concern, I’m looking for the Holy Grail and trying to do good whilst I quest for it. If you want to come too then do, but I’m not taking stragglers, I’m taking magicians, cunning-folk, cooks, wise-women, knights and questers only; Thomas run home and tell my story, go on, run boy!

If I love you, then I love you and I’ll always be around, doesn’t mean you get to come on my grail quest, sure, come for a little while, be a part of the journey but finding it is going to take work. We need to quest and be happy and I need you all to promise to look out for those of us who are questing, I mean properly, because thats what I intend to keep on doing.

So, I’m mustering, who’s with me, how long are you coming for and what are you bringing to my quest?

26 thoughts on “Ooops

  1. I understand where you are coming from. I have my own questing to do, and a path to walk that is sometimes very difficult and sometimes pure joy. I’m happy enough to talk about it but it’s not something I blog much about.

    Oh, I know what hard work questing is… believe me, I do.

  2. You know that I’m with you, you know how long I’m coming for, and you know what I bring.

    Course, I’m looking for a stone and a spear, as well as a cup… ;o)

  3. I don’t think the picnic went badly, and I didn’t notice the atmosphere was strained. It did seem a trifle randomly organised due to the lateness of the expanded plan, but there we go, not always a bad thing.

    This entry seems confused by mixing several streams that were chronologically close but themically slightly different (Your mood, social life and goals respectively, possibly more or different divisions but I’m writing this under time constraints), and whilst I know they’re all interrelated its possible they need seperate treatments in order to all grow and flourish in their different and interrelated ways.

    More response in email, as I’ve mentioned before on many important topics I dislike writing words in public, because I know that what I’m writing is wrong and that dispite saying that I know its wrong and only a slight approximation of my meaning (which gropes towards truth) people still hold me to it.

  4. It was suggested to me, once upon a time, that the key to these things is to do your best always to support and aid friends, to never ignore a call for help (though what action you take, including inaction, is yours to judge), but to never allow the weight of wrong decisions past to swamp you.

    This is not exactly easy, but it has worked for me.

    This also means, of course, that the raising of a banner by a friend cannot be ignored. I bring determination and strength to lend others. I travel until it is wiser to stop.

  5. I was told that my response doesn’t quite make sense because I don’t have the background with the Arthurian stuff that people in this country have. Apologies. Sometime someone will take the time to try to explain it to me over a bottle of nice wine, some luxury cheese and chocolate 🙂

  6. Interesting, Ann. I found that your comment made perfect sense. Not that I’m knocking the idea of exploring mythic landscapes through the use of summer picnics! … ;o)

  7. Muster, you say?

    Well, I’ve found myself wandering without a quest, of late, so I’ll join yours if you’ll have me.

    I’ll bring indestructable self confidence and optimism, and thoughtful words to help spread it around.
    I’ll stay with you all until it’s dramatically appropriate for me to leave.

  8. Two sturdy knights, a magician and a woodsman, this is a good beginning.

    I shall post a blog about Arthur later tonight.

    MoT, I have several copies as well as commentaries on La Morte D’Arthur and I should point out I prefer the Welsh beginnings to much of the Medeival Romances.

  9. Any need for a comedy sidekick on this mighty journey to parts unknown?

    I went to Parts Unknown once. The locals there are very strange.

  10. Weasel, what do you bring? You’re welcome as a squire of course, someone will have to look after the two knight’s horses.

  11. Maybe I could ride with you for a while, too? I can bring a healing touch and my ability to listen and maybe a little bit of quiet joy…

  12. Ride with us Lady and welcome. We are in need of someone who can heal through word and touch, someone who can soften the highs and lows of this quest and remind us of our purpose when the going becomes hard.

  13. You’ve already got a magician, so I suppose that role’s filled.

    But find something for me to be, and I shall be that for you. After all, magical types are adept at appearing to be what they’re not, no?

  14. Always room for a cunning-man and shape-shifter. Who else is going to defeat the witch in the traditional shape changing contest?

  15. I want no stragglers as I said, but you’re welcome to ride… and we are going to need somewhere to kip along the way. In which case your diplomat’s skills are well required.

  16. This quest is about drinking from a chalice Jez, not oral sex… oh wait a moment…

    *rolls eyes*

    Anymore serious questers?

  17. You have knights, squires, wizards and the wise… I feel outclassed.

    All I have to bring is a feirce heart, a kind spirit and the softest beard in the land.

    I will ride no horse, my feet dare not leave the ground.

  18. Ah Quests, odd things… Not sure I have hte energy for many more. The bless I can offer is my blessings since questors generally don’t benefit from the bitter nad cynicial nad prematurely old.

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